MID-YEAR SEMINAR AND OTHER STUFF...

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Pictures

Here's a bunch of pictures from this month. Some random, and a few from the mid-year seminar we had in Frankfurt last week. Enjoy!

CBYX/PPP - 22 - January

The Rundown

Well, the last week and a half have been super jam-packed with stuff. Stressful stuff. Absolutely amazing stuff. Sad stuff. Angry stuff. Lot's of different stuff.

Meile der Demokratie

Last Saturday was a very unique day for me.

There was a planned Nazi rally to be held in Magdeburg. This was planned months beforehand, so everybody opposing Nazis (read, everyone ever) had established plans to counter-rally them.

The city set up a community event. They shut down the main street downtown, and clubs, organizations, schools, whathaveyou were able to come down, put up a booth, and celebrate democracy and the freedom shared in the country. I went down there for a bit to help setup and check it out before a lot of the people were there.

After that, I went with a few friends and we established 'Tomatensalat', aka Tomato salad, aka the codename for our group in case of chaos. Our little biker gang, along with thousands of people from around the region, mobilized to try and prevent the Nazis from getting any space or place to hold a demonstration or rally of their own.

Twitter was the main resource. Long story short, we spent the majority of the day tracking where to go. They ended up on the east side of the river to start, so some of the 3,300 cops, water canon, and mounted units closed off every single bridge in town to prevent people from going over. We tried and failed at every single one.

Well, the enemy mobilized, and somehow hopped on a train and crossed the river. We went station to station, along with tons of other people, to make sure they had nowhere to go but back on the train. They eventually made it south of town, and assembled there, then started their own parade route.

While we were trying to find where to go, we got a treat from the other side of the political spectrum. We were standing near a police blockade preventing access to a street, then all of a sudden down in the other direction came this mob of people dressed in black turning the corner. This was the mobilized Far Left, and as I've heard, they're even more violent and just as crazy as the Right.

The Far Left vs. the Police

Well, the left turned the corner and started going straight for the cops. They got to the other side of the block then all of a sudden the line of cops bolted towards the mob. The mob split. And I think the cops just arrested one, not sure why, but they got him.

We kept walking, and got word that the bad guys assembled and were starting a demonstration march. We went over to it to heckle and try and get them the F out of there.

It was kind of sickening to watch these people, but very surprising for sure. They look just like normal people. There were no strange clothes or shaved heads, they just looked like normal people, but have the views of a terrible kind. I don't know how to describe this. It's something I've never experienced before.

The 'parade' went past, and we moved to try and find somewhere to protest them on their way back around to the train station. But they didn't come back because a group of the good guys set up a blockade to prevent them from continuing. Go good guys.

Mid-Year Seminar

All of this past week, I spent in Frankfurt am Main for the CBYX/PPP Mid-Year Seminar!!! Overall it was a great and sleep-deprived time with all of the amazing people in this program!

I got there a day early, and met up with a bunch of people to watch some good 'ole Amurican Football, namely the Conference Championships. There was a group of about 8 of us that got in a day early, found a hostel, and went in search for a place to watch. We ended up dragging two cool Australian dudes from the hostel with us, and went over to a hotel lobby outside of its sports bar. The beer was flowing, pizza and döner being devoured, and tons of fun watching the game.

What made it even better, and thanks to the diversity of this program, we had fans of the teams in our company. Scott going for the Pats (lost), Zack going for the 9ers (lost, thank god), and Colin and Charlie going for the hometown Seahawks. I was reppin my Aaron Rodgers jersey, and made a new friend at the bar who was wearing an old Favre jersey. PACKERS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!

To make things fun, Zack and Colin made a bet. Loser gets a ghetto stripe in their eyebrow. The game was great, and the Seahawks won, so later that night I gave Zack's eyebrow the old 1-2. It was funny.

The next day we started the seminar and got to catch up with a ton of people. It's crazy how, after only meeting most of these people just 6 months ago, it feels like I've known them forever and have missed out on so much of their lives. Getting caught up with the great people in the program was such a great thing to have. Outside of the program plan, we had plenty of time to eat, drink, and hang out. We got to go see a concert in the Opera House, and I got all snazzied up.

On Wednesday, there was a group of about 30-40 of us that decided karaoke was on the menu, and OH BABY was it awesome! We went to our new favorite dive bar to start, and then headed over to this club. There were about 10 people there already, and then we show up and turn karaoke into a party. We took over the mike, turned the stage into a dance floor, and just rocked the place.

And, just to fill everyone in, that was the first time I'd ever sang karaoke. And might I say that mine and Mike D.'s rendition of Piano Man was absolutely on point. We weren't the only one's killin it though. Everyone that grabbed the mic in our group just dominated. I can say confidently that that was the absolute best night I've had so far in this program. Just unbelievably awesome.

That next day, we got a very impressionable cultural experience. We loaded in busses and headed to Observation Point Alpha, a former Military post along the former East-West Border, located in the Fulda Gap. Here we split into groups and got a tour of the area. The former border still exists as a memorial/remembrance of the time period, and the 1390km border trail is open to explore. We walked along the border, saw the progression of the border and the increasingly inhumane methods used to keep people in East Germany.

It was really hallowing to be there. Knowing that 25+ years ago, this was a place of deep hostility, but a simple 'line in the sand' separated the free West to the oppressed East. After our tour of the grounds, we headed to their exhibition/meeting center and had a Q&A session with a couple people regarding the past during the separated sides of Germany. Someone from the East, and a former border patrol officer from the West. It was very insightful to hear about what life was like on each side, and especially hearing about more details regarding life in the East.

After the cultural experience at the former border, we headed back to Frankfurt and only had another day with everyone. The next morning we had a quick wrap up, got some details about the rest of the program (will expand upon this in a bit), and were on our way. Another short time with some great friends had already come to an end. It's always great to see so many friends, but goodbyes really suck.

I headed back to Magdeburg that night, and hit up one of my buddies to go hang out. He was invited to dinner with some friends and I came and tagged along for a bit. I got to meet a couple people from Kazakhstan and learn that every meal is an absolute feast in their culture. They kept trying to feed us after we were five times full.

Something really crazy I learned with them is about a very unusual sport. It's called Kokpa (I think). It's two teams of players riding horses, and the goal is for each team to fight for the carcass of a sheep, and get the sheep carcass into a giant bowl on their end of the field. Let's just say it was really intriguing and awesome. Check the link.

Anxiety and Stress are were my Life

Seriously, I never would have anticipated this much stress in this program. But right now, it's boiling up and causing me mini heart attacks every 10 minutes. I know that if anyone else was in my situation it'd be completely different and much more relaxed, but input so much unneeded pressure on myself, it can choke me out at times. I'm trying to leant to change that, and thankfully with the help and reassuring words of amazing friends I might be making some headway, but it's a damn hard habit to break.

Work

The next phase of the program is a 5 month internship. At the seminar, it was awesome hearing how people have found their dream internship and are so pumped to start it. Honestly, I'm so proud of all my fellow PPPlers and what they've achieved, it's awesome!

But thanks to a poor placement in Magdeburg where there are relatively few relevant companies, I am still on the hunt. I've sent out over 40 applications, and have had little to no luck. We're supposed to start next Monday, but that won't be happening for me.

Nothing in Magdeburg had gone through, and thankfully I've been looking in other cities as well. I've got an interview next Monday in another city, and will be making some phone calls today through some connections in my family. But the fact that I'm still on the hunt is really stressing me out.

Even just writing this is making my heart beat a little faster. I've got 2 weeks to make things happen. I'm really hoping this interview next Monday works out. As of this moment it's the only interview I've got, and unless something drastically changes, I might be SOL. But, let's hope for the best and take deep breaths in the mean time...

Program End

As I mentioned earlier, on Friday of the Seminar we got a little bit of info about the ending portions of the program. The internship phase, the third and final portion of the program technically starts on Monday, February 3. We have an end of the year seminar in Berlin in the middle of May. And then they gave us the details on our flight back and reentry to the U.S.

We fly out from Frankfurt on July 16 to New York City. Then, on July 17, at 3:30pm, the program will officially be done. When they read that to us, I instantly got stressed and had a bit of a dread/anxiety attack.

Let's take a look back on the last real big stages of my life:

• Graduation from High School - I knew I was prepped, ready, and headed out to Ohio State
• Graduation from Undergrad - I had already started my Masters Program and new I would be continuing on with that
• Graduation from Grad School - I was lucky as hell and got accepted into this program
• Completion of CBYX/PPP - I have no plans or idea what I am going to do with my life

I may have some ideas or dreams about where I want my life to go, so the no idea thing may be a lie. But I have no actual plans, there's nothing in the works, I have no actual potential plans in front of me. When they said that ending date and time (why so specific?), I really got a glimpse of the complete unknown.

Every now and then it'll flash through my mind and I get a little tense. It's kinda scary and sad to think about. I'm loving this program, and I don't want it to end. But they already put that rigid completion in front of us, so that ain't gonna happen.

Life

There's been some other things that have developed recently as well. And just like the last two things, they've been festering in my abominable mind, and leading to lots of stress and tension. I have no idea how I got to be this way. Self-inflicted stress over things I can't control that really won't be a problem when they finally come up is a very unhealthy way to live life. Yet here I am doing it day in and day out.

Time to Change That

I spent a lot of time this weekend talking to friends, getting their opinions, and getting a lot of helpful advice from them. First off, I would probably not be alive or sentient if I didn't have the people that I have around me. I may be a leech sometimes, or say too much, or ask too many questions, or just be annoying in many different types of ways, but my friends are always there for me, despite all of that. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have all of the people in my life. I honestly can't, and I cannot thank them (aka you guys :-) seriously!!!) enough for all that you have done!!!

Well, from here on out, I am going to make a concerted effort to:

• Not let stress get to me
  I'm a pro at letting stress fester and grow. It'll come from one aspect of my life, then the stress of another will add to it. Then it just affects every aspect of my life and lead to bad days, high heart rates, and voids of happiness and enjoyment. No more.
• Minimize stress at all times (especially when self-inflicted and unhealthy/unnecessary)
  Sometimes stress can be good, a way to motivate you and make sure you are on track to get to where you need to go. But too much is a terrible thing. When it is not necessary or useful to have stress, I am going to seek to minimize it.
• Actively reduce stress when it arises
  Playing into the previous point, I have to ACTIVELY reduce the stress in my life. And this can take many different forms: a short break from my work; listening to some music; going for a walk outside and breathing some fresh air; a long, deep, energizing breathe; taking a nap; going for a run or a bike ride; playing some sports; or just anything that can take my mind off of things and get me back to a clear state of mind.
• Not worry about things out of my control
  I can't make the decision whether or not a company is going to hire me, all I can do is worry about how I represent myself in the interview and hope for the best. That's a pretty prevalent example to me right now. I spend a lot of time and focus a lot of tension onto worrying about what could happen, rather than what I can focus on to achieve the best outcome possible. Time to focus on my actions, and not the actions of others.
• Not overanalyze things before they even happen
  This may be the biggest one on here. I can take a situation, and analyze all possible scenarios, from the super short term, to trying making decisions off of decisions that could stem from something 10 years down the road. I think way too much into things, simple or complex. Yes, foresight and preparation are excellent qualities to have, and there are many situations in my life where I would be lost without them. But there are so many times that I let those skills take over and add to the heap of stress in my mind. I need to work to balance when I go all out in my planning, preparation, and anticipation. Sometimes it is helpful, but a lot of times it isn't. On those items where I need to cool out, I need to cool out, let things come as they may, and live more in the moment.

If you are reading this, I want you to hold me to it. A vast majority of it all is going to be on me. And that's how it should be. But, sometimes (read: often) I need help with things. I'll keep you all updated on how this goes. If all goes to plan, look for a more stress-free Nial the next time you see me!!!

German Language Proficiency

Ich bin total aufgeregt, dass ich eine Woche total auf Englisch sprechen kann, und gerade danach auf Deutsch ohne große Fehler sprechen kann!!!

I am totally pumped that I can speak a whole week just in English, and then right after speak in German without any big mistakes. I got maybe 15 hours of sleep during the seminar, but after that and being surrounded by my mother tongue for a week, I came back to Magdeburg and spoke great German with a buddy. It felt absolutely incredible!

Let me be the first to tell you though, I've still got a looooooooooooong way to go before it's something I feel completely comfortable with in every situation. But right now, I am all sorts of proud of myself how far I've come.

Six months ago, I knew a few German words, and that was about it. But this week I'll be taking the B2 Language Proficiency test (Side note: Language proficiency is based on a scale here in Europe: A1 beginner - A2 - B1 - B2 - C1 - C2 fluid, mother tongue) this week, and although I'm nervous, I feel pretty ready for it. Granted, my total unwillingness and lack of motivation to study is not helping anything. But that included, I feel pretty ok going into it. Let's just see how that turns up on the other side...

People and Change

So as it's looking right now, I am most likely not going to be in Magdeburg for the internship phase. Career-wise, that's probably a good thing. But socially, I think I'm going to be really sad if I leave.

All of my frisbee friends, my guest-grandpa, my awesome tutors, the random people I've met through total happenstance, everyone here has played a role and helped me through everything. As I've told many people in the last few months, and slowly realizing just how true it is, it's not necessarily where you are, but the people that surround you. And I must say, I am very lucky with the people I have around me here in Magdeburg.

As a side note, I was getting ready to do something at home, and Dietrich stopped me saying he had something to tell me. He told me that he felt like I was his grandson. It kinda stopped me, I was really touched to hear that. The progression of our relationship really has been pretty awesome, and it was really comforting to hear that from him, and I must say, I feel like his grandson and really kinda feel like family.

A Small List of Things I Like

• Dressing in a suit and strolling around. I feel on top of the world.
• Eating dessert and slowly taking the spoon and flinging it out. Relaxation in the form of sweets.
• When I get sick, my voice goes soooper deep. It sounds awesome and I love it (the deep voice part, not the being sick part).

Beard Update - Zum Geburtstag Viel Glück

January 23, 2014, marked the day that my beard turned one year old. Unbeknownst to me, a few people in the program put together a little surprise birthday celebration for my beard. It got a little roll with candles, and a couple of presents too!!! I had to put them on... See below...

But, to commemorate its year-long growth, that night I chopped it all off. It was sad and weird to see it go. The first couple times I looked in a mirror I got a little freaked out. Having something like that with you for that long breeds a little attachment. But, I must say, as surprising and weird as it was, it looks a little more cleaned up now, so I can't complain there.

Up Next

This week will be interesting. I've got the B2 Test (in three parts with five different portions), and I am still on the hunt for an internship. As I've said, I've got that one next Monday that I'm REALLY hoping comes through, but I'm also waiting to hear back from a company I know one of the higher ups in, and waiting to hear back from some applications I sent in early December (how the hell do they take this long to make a decision...). Regardless, I'm still waiting, BUT not letting it stress me out. It'll come in time. All I can do is work to prepare for the interview(s) and send out more applications.

I'm really hoping this stress-reducer thing works. It's going to take a lot of work, but the benefits will be oh so rewarding!

Another thing... MY MOMMY IS COMING TO GERMANY OMG OMG I GET TO SEE MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm über pumped for my mom to come out and visit. It'll be a short trip, but I hope to give her a really fun time. It'll be her first time to Europe, so I want to make it as awesome as possible. I'm stoked. :-)

Original Publish Date: January 27th, 2014