STARTING A NEW CHAPTER

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After five great years on a different continent, my time in Germany was up and it was time to move back to my homeland. Whether the right or wrong call, if it's something I'll regret, if I should've stayed, or any number of questions highlight my unsureness, only time will tell. But that fateful day came, and January 31st, 2025, I started my venturing back into the clear unknown (for me).

The chaos of the move came to a culmination on the day before the departure, as KLM cancelled my flight from Amsterdam to Portland. Cue the ensuing hours of annoyance dealing with customer service and trying to ensure that all of my bags (and ESPECIALLY my bike) made it with me. It all worked out, and after an extra 10 hours added to the overall trip, I landed in Portland, ready to start my new journey.

Welcome Back, Asshole

I got off the plane and it surprisingly wasn't surreal at all. It just kinda felt normal. PDX has gone through some major upgrades, so I wandered through the airport and was looking forward to seeing my Mommy as a perfect way to welcome me back. But lo and behold, Mommy was flanked by Ryan, Helen, and Callan to welcome me back to the USA! And no less with a nice sign to show their true affection for me as a person... I wouldn't have it any other way. :-) Apparently Zack was trying to come up to join the welcoming party but wasn't able to make it. It's ok though, there was an accurate stand-in for him there.

That first weekend was spent with those four just getting my feet back on the ground and catching up. Getting my phone set up, picking up my incredible buddy Andy's old truck, getting some good food, talking about what's been going on, and adjusting in general. I've kinda always known this about myself, but I really struggle with accepting help from others. One of many many flaws that keep coming to the fore as I wander through my tough and weird journey of late.

But Mommy ventured back north and Ryan, Helen, and Callan ventured back south, and soon enough I was off on my own. At least for a little while, before heading over to Andy and Megan's place to crash with them for a few days.

No joke, I have an absolutely incredible group of people that I can call friends (that holds true all across the globe!!!). Andy, Megan, and Mika invited me to stay with them for a few days to get my feet on the ground and what a blessing that was! I got tons of time to play and read with Mika, help Andy around the house a small bit, talk to Megan about school and stuff, and just enjoy their incredible company and unbelievable support.

With my feet on the ground, wheels to move around town, and some temporary shelter provided by some amazing friends, it was time to try and get my life setup back in my new old hometown. Since my life has been in complete upheaval now for going on three months, I've been noticing the effects of that and this whole time trying to get my life reestablished is essentially a search for me to find solutions to my hierarchy of needs. Maslow's established what he sees as those points (see below for a quick refresher on that), but here are kinda the baselines of that for me...

My Hierarchy of Needs - Baseline

Before I get into a giant bitch-and-moan fest, let me first state that I am doing well. I have a place to sleep, a way to get around town, supportive and helpful people (despite my difficulties with accepting that) all around me, and have overall 'stability'. Air, Food, and Water, all that's coming in and I'm still breathing and kicking because of that. Thank goodness.

The struggles I'm dealing with in this massive transition are not unique - others go through this often throughout the world, and billions more with none of the advantages and opportunities I've been given. But let me tell you, it's given me an appreciation for the incredible luxury and opportunity I have. I've been able to move around the world supported by others, and have my life pretty well supported. Holy fuck am I blessed.

That said, here's me bitching-and-moaning about a few things...

My Hierarchy of Needs - Shelter

As soon as that first Monday of being back on the ground hit, my lovely hosts Andy and Megan were off to work and school, and I hit the ground running looking for a place to live. I'd started the search intermittently in the weeks leading up to the flight back, but now that I was back with my boots on the ground, it was time to see what I could find.

First try - scam. Place was clearly already lived in and I got ghosted. Second try - dingy as hell. Small, unkept, dirty, dark, definitely not a place to consider. Going on from there it was all a mixed bag. I had a sprinkling of viewings for almost the whole week, with a couple of applications sent out (one of which was a total scam and I got duped a large application fee). I learned quickly that trying to find a place to live in Portland is A) expensive, B) hard, C) shitty in the winter, D) difficult with some of the new relgulations, and I got hit with the brunt of all those points.

By the end of the week I was still struggling with balancing what I wanted to compromise on, but had an application submitted for two different places in contention. One of which I had a bit of a time pressure to accept, as someone else was looking at the same place. And the other place I was first in the waiting list not thinking I'd be asked about it again. So long story short, I signed on to Place #1 (and two hours after signing the lease got a message about Place #2), and started to regret it immediately following signing the lease.

Ground floor of this house...

Walking through and meeting the lady who ran the property company's operations was nice enough, and she was super helpful throughout the viewing process, but it was a clear thing that she was just there to make the owner as much money as possible and get people in the apartments ASAP. On the second viewing I reassured myself of some initial doubts and concerns about the place, and got to meet the maintenance guy while there, and he has shown he's a boisterous dude who really sucks at his job, and the move-in inspection of the place put that on full display.

But bitching and moaning aside, I have a place to live! Check! It's actually quite big, and has a massive basement I'll be turning into my little workshop. Shelter is taken care of. I even braved a crazy PNW snowstorm to get down (the two hour trip from Tacoma to Portland turned into a 6 hour trip...) and move in. What's the next thing to figure out?

My Hierarchy of Needs - Stuff

I've never claimed to be a minimalist, but my reliance on my stuff is likely a little more pronounced than your average person. Add to that fact that I'm now nearing two months without it and have an apartment that's quite empty waiting to be filled, this absence of stuff has been felt quite prominently.

Unfortunately, my shipping container has seen nothing but delays since it left my old place on Sophienstrasse, and there's no telling when it will actually arrive. First a delay to get to Antwerp, then a delay of the boat leaving Antwerp, then a delay of the boat arriving in Norfolk, and now it's sitting in the port in Norfolk, VA, waiting to be put on a train to the West Coast. There's no telling when that'll happen, but it's been over a three weeks now, and all I can do is twiddle my thumbs and hope to hear something soon.

In the mean time, I'm trying to get the stuff I know I need that I don't already have somewhere, and that's been a rough process. Doesn't matter what it is, but people suck. I've been leaning on Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace (big ass bone to pick with that shitty company), but I'm at about a 95% rate of reaching out to people about whatever it is they're selling, and not getting any hint of a response. That's been frustrating as hell. Despite that all, I've secured a couch (that I'll likely be selling, it's uncomfy and I was impatient to get the ball rolling), and a bed (that's been nice, way better than sleeping on a camping pad), so at least I'm no longer sleeping on a mattress pad on the floor.

But to put it simply, not having my full swath of crap is really mentally blocking me from getting settled. So many things I want to do or fix and then I realize I don't have what I need to do it, and I'm not going to go out and buy something when I know I have it, it's just not here. Mental peace is pending, and unfortunately heavily dependent on a 20' metal box on other side of the country.

My Hieararchy of Needs - Sleep and Sanity

Despite having a place to lay my head every night over the last few months, it's been a highly variable experience throughout. Here's the combination I've run into since January 8th:

• My old couch in my old apartment
• Hotel Bed at the hotel down the street from my old place
• Hotel Bed at the Stuttgart airport
• Pull out couch in hotel in Portland
A different pull-out couch in a hotel in Portland
• Guest bed at Andy and Megan's
• Noisy Motel bed in Portland
• My mom's floor (on a sleeping pad)
• On a sleeping pad in my new apartment
• On a sleeping pad with mattress topper in my new apartment
• On a mattress with mattress topper in my new apartment

Thankfully, I've found stability in the current setup, thanks to the bed I got for the future guest bedroom. It definitely makes a difference not having to sleep on the floor every night! But the quality of sleep has been a mixed bag throughout.

The most recent places have been a bit loud, and honestly that's continued to be a tough adjustment in my new apartment - it's loud as hell with the neighbors upstairs. Thankfully, they are incredibly understanding, and I've had a conversation with them to clear the air. But this old house echos their tip-toes into thunder claps. So sleeping has been back with ear plugs and white noise and I'm still trying to find a rhythm that gets me quality sleep every night. It'll come, hopefully...

My Hierarchy of Needs - Wheels

On the topic of four wheels, I have been INCREDIBLY blessed by the support of my buddy Andy. I've had a vehicle from Day one of being back, and his help here has provided me immeasurable flexibility and support! It's also allowed me to think deeply about what kind of car I want to get and cue the Analysis Paralysis and unsureness in big decisions yet again!

To start, the pangs of loss in having to sell my old trusty pal Rupert in Germany have hung around throughout. My little old wagon would be perfect here, but alas, he's off in Germany still and did me well over my five years with him. But now looking forward - what kind of a car do I want?

Well, in no particular order, it's got to be able to handle my bikes and bike buddies, do a little offroading for backpacking and hiking, be a good road trip vehicle, and cover my needs in getting around town, all ideally being wrapped into a manual transmission. That's a lot of things to cover that do a good part in contradicting each other, which has made me trying to settle on a solution very difficult.

My first plan was to get some kind of stick shift wagon, ala Rupert. But those are few and far between to find. The manual transmission thing has been a soft requirement that's slowly had to fade away, as that is just such a rarity here. After the wagon, here's been the progression:

• Toyota Tacoma's were first on the list. Crew Cab, long bed, stick shift, but somehow the functionality of a truck around town just didn't fit
• Toyota Highlanders were next. But then talking with Andy and Megan and Zack, that had to go as it would just be a minivan in a different package (as much as I try not to give a shit about image, I couldn't stomach the thought of being a single dude in a quasi-minivan and how that would come across)
• Toyota 4Runners were the target for a while. Beefy, robust, very outdoorsy, but shit on gas mileage.

But this thought process has evolved further, and now my current strategy has actually morphed into a two-car strategy. Since my needs and desires for a vehicle are so broad, trying to find one car to realistically fit those needs is just not feasible. Here's the breakdown.

• Car #1 - economical, efficient, road tripper, grocery getter
• Car #2 - big, beefy, durable, rugged, big capacity

That hunt has been somewhat difficult, just because it's also required me to be choosy and steer clear of the lemons. But at least I have a game plan now, and I'm working on trying to find something that fits for each of those cars, but we'll see how it all plays out.

My Hierarchy of Needs - Work

Those that know me, know that I've never been blindly passionate about my job. Work is a means to an end, that sometimes I get some notable satisfaction out of. Upon my return, I had the first two weeks off to try and get as much of my life in order before diving into the work world back here in Portland at DTNA. But as soon as that third week started, I was off back to my new (technically old, since I've worked there a ton) office in Corp-3. My new work computer was there waiting for me so I clapped it open and got right to it.

Until my account was locked. I couldn't log-in to anything. Nothing. No chance. So over to IT I went, hoping this would be a quick fix. But nope, no quick fix - this was an HR problem. Downstairs to HR I went and long story short - they told me to go home. There was an error on my account (a GLOBAL account mind you), that German HR had not 'released' me or handed me off, and the US HR thereby couldn't 'accept' me and take me on.

To keep this long story short, I couldn't log-in all week and essentially twiddled my thumbs because of pure incompetency (that always seems to go beyond my worst expectations) of HR. The benefit was that it gave me time to get my desk set up, and I shuffled things around in the area to really dial things in. Pretty set to go with a killer desk. But the last message on that Friday was that I was listed as 'termination pending', which was the reason my account was locked out. No joke, if they wanted to fire me, go for it. At least I'd have clarity!

But coming back into the office that next Monday my log-in worked, and I was off and running. Bummer, but that's how it goes. Since then, it's been a slow burn to get up to speed, but things are picking up as we speak. We're currently (as I'm typing this, Week 4 of being back) on a 2-day team workshop to talk about the year and our plan and goals and such, and I'm definitely benetifting from that in learning about the team setup and what I'll be contributing to. Baby steps, but work is slowly underway, and I'm likely to be overly swamped in a matter of a few days.

Time for Me

That about covers all the big needs in life, and now it's a focus of trying to just find my groove and get back into a life that I want to live. How've I been doing that? Well, amidst all the stuff I just shared and wrote, I've been doing my best to slowly find my rhythm, find my fun, and dive back into what makes me happy, and partially me.

Yes, my whole bike fleet is not back together, but through an airplane trip and a gathering of my stuff in storage I have two of my quiver available and ready to rock. I've already made it back to my MTB Mecca in Black Rock once, and got in a pretty good day of riding. The top half was snowed in, but I got to shred my old and beloved stomping grounds and that was a great revival back to really where all my MTB riding began.

Then, my other bike, my original trusty steed from wayyyyy back when, was waiting for me all boxed up. I whipped it back together, and honestly, although it's a little shaky and I don't feel like it's quite as bomb-proof as it used to be, I'm riding and I've got a set of two wheels that can help me get around town. It ain't fully what it will be, but I'm back in biking in Portland. Hell yeah.

After getting all of my old stuff from my mom's storage unit, I eventually pulled out my old LEGOs!!! So stoked about this, especially after not having touched them in well over a decade! I first took advantage of the completely empty floors to spread everything out over them, and lo and behold, a great set I made way-back-when was still together! But that didn't stop me from starting on a new spaceship. But in the hunt for all the pieces, I decided to organize all the pieces to make building a little less frustrating. Being an old kid has its advantages.

Another thing I've always loved and missed over the last few years related to the PNW was the hiking and outdoors and all about that stuff. So in the re-entry time I've gone on a hike in the Columbia River Gorge, and taken advantage of the incredible forest right in Portland in Forest Park to get out, get some sunshine, and some incredible nature in this beautiful corner of the world.

Getting back into something I haven't done in a while, I went by Goodwill to get me some new old shoes, and then this past week I headed back to school to get back into swing dancing! Great to be back at Viscount Dance Studio, and even started right back up with Swing I and Swing II. Gonna be a good while before I feel all of the rust shake off and remember most of the stuff I've learned over the years, but having a little dance and movement on the calendar is something I'm really looking forward to.

Unfortunately dance classes are on Tuesday, and another thing I'm excited about is also on Tuesday. I just signed up for the Portland Ultimate Spring League, so for two months starting in April I'll be able to get back on the frisbee field and play here in town. That's always been a fun sport outlet for me, and I'm excited to dive back into the laid-back side of the Portland frisbee community here.

Lass die Kommentare starten

Da ich nicht mehr in Deutschland lebe, steht die Wahrscheinlichkeit, dass ich regelmäßig Deutsch sprechen werde, sehr niedrig. Daher werde ich auch versuchen hier in dieser Kanal einiges auf Deutsch zu schreiben um A) mein Deutschkenntnis noch einigermaßen frisch zu halten und B) alle meine liebe Deutsche Freunde die Möglichkeit mein schlechtes Deutsche wieder zu genießen :-)

Als erstes großes Hinweis zu alle die neue Leute zu meinem Blogsphere werdet euch hier gemerkt haben, dass ich sehr viel schreibe, sobald ich dazu komme etwas zu schreiben. Ich habe versucht es ein bisschen im Griff zu halten, aber es klappt einfach nicht. Leider weiß ich, dass wenigen Zeit für so einen langen Schreiben/Buch zu lesen habe. Aber das ist leider ein Charakteristik dieser Blog, und hoffentlich findet ihr einen Weg es trotzdem zu genießen.

Ein Ziel für mich in die kommenden Zeit ist eine Post, ähnlich zu diesen von vor vier Jahren, zu schreiben, wo ich meine Kulturschock ein bisschen kommentiere. Das wird aber eine Weile dauern, und ich muss erinnern und versuchen die einzelnen Sachen zu dokumentieren als die passieren, aber hoffentlich werde ich bald/demnächst/irgendwann einen kleinen Einblick in die kulturelle Seite des Lebens hier in den USA und in Oregon teilen können.

Aber als kleinen Anfang an dem Punkt, bis jetzt fühlt sich alles hier einigermaßen stink normal. Ich bin in einer Stadt, wo ich schon Jahren gewohnt habe, bei einer Firma wo ich schon seit Jahren gearbeitet habe, und in der Nähe von Leute die ich schon seit Jahren gekannt habe. Natürlich gibt es VIELE Änderungen innerhalb diese Konstellationen, aber im großen und ganzen, bin ich ganz gut soweit in dieser neuen Schiene gerutscht. Was die kommenden Monaten dann aber halten, mal schauen was passiert.

Next Up

To be honest, nothing is firm. I am anxiously waiting for my containter to get here so I can finally put all the missing pieces together and make my new apartment feel like home. But honestly, I don't have any trips planned, and that feels really weird. Zack's coming up to visit (YAY!!!) in April, and I gotta put something on the calendar to fly down and meet him in the bay, but other than that, everything is just nebulous and all just thoughts, nothing conrete.

At this point, I'm getting slowly more comfortable about my journey into my new Unknown. I had a nice talk with Zack about this, and he shared a great sentiment. Over the last few months, and honestly couple of years, I've been very nervous, anxious, unsure, and just plain struggling with where I'm at and where I should 'go'. But I'm in a new chapter of life right now, with all my options open to me. I'm slowly getting there, but I'll say it - I'm quite excited to see where it takes me.

Dates Covered in Post: January 31st - March 7th, 2025
Original Publish Date: March 7th, 2025